Dear Mikey

For those of you who have not yet heard, our dear friend Jennifer Perillo (of In Jennie’s Kitchen) lost her beloved husband, Mikey, to a sudden heart  attack last Sunday. Through her grief, Jennie made one request. She asked if we would all make a Peanut Butter Pie  (Mikey’s favorite) and share it with the ones we love. Thousands of friends and readers from around the world made pie to celebrate the life of a wonderful man who died too soon. And, of  course, we did too. For Mikey, for Jennie, and their two darling girls. Read on…


Dear Mikey

My husband and I went on a walk before lunch last Saturday. As we were turning into our driveway, the neighbors were pulling out of theirs. I’d been meaning to invite them to our Labor Day pig roast, so I waved them down.

When John rolled down the window, he was the sharpest I’d ever seen him—crisp white shirt, elegant tie, slicked back hair. “Is that really you, John?” I asked with a smile. He nodded. I thought he was unusually serious, but I went ahead and invited them to our pig roast. As John turned to his wife Lynette to check the date, I knew for certain that something was wrong.

“So—” I ventured, “where you off to so dressed up?” “A funeral,” John replied. Suddenly my lighthearted invitation to a pig roast seemed foolish. “Anyone close to you”? I was not prepared for this young middle-aged man’s response.  “My brother.”

Nor was I prepared on Monday, Mikey, when I heard you had suddenly died. I couldn’t shake the feelings of empathetic loss for your Jennifer as well as John and Lynette. I spent the week fretting what to do.

I finally got my answer on Friday when Jennifer announced we were to make your favorite: Peanut Butter Pie. Now I could honor you and, in turn, remember John’s brother too.

I headed to the store, bought the ingredients, and set to work. I was so pleased at how beautifully this simple (addictive!) pie came together. I couldn’t wait the three-hour suggested refrigeration time to present it to John and Lynette. But before walking it over, I needed a snapshot. (Married to a food blogger, you know all about that!)

So I’m curious. Did you see my pie slide off the cake stand onto the counter?

At first it didn’t seem so bad. It was still more or less in one piece. But then as the filling started to seep through the crust’s fault lines, I knew it was over. I cursed and screamed, got good and angry. (Did I mention I didn’t wait the recommended three hours before taking it out of the pan?) I felt like the Dutch boy hopelessly trying to plug that dike. The more I tried to prop it up, the more it cracked and caved. Finally, as I rushed it to the freezer, I accepted there was nothing I could do. If I were taking this pie to John and Lynette, I had to make it again.

The second time I made the pie it was a meditation on loss. I flew into a conniption when my little pie broke apart. What did I know of real grief? My thoughts turned to Jennifer. What a sudden shock this all was, how well she was holding it all together, what a strong woman your wife is.

You already know it, of course, but we Three Many Cooks plan to keep a good lookout for your three Perillo girls. And by the way, Mikey, that pie you’re looking at? It’s a slice from the first pie, the one I lost.

With love, Pam and the girls


You can find the recipe for this incredible Peanut Butter Pie on Jennifer Perillo’s blog, In Jennie’s Kitchen. While you’re there, leave her some love.

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  1. says

    You all are awesome. I’m so blessed to have met Maggie finally this past week when I was in Brooklyn – I feel I know you all through her. The letter to Mikey is beautiful. Thank you.

  2. says

    It is times like this when we really find our perspective. Beautiful letter, Pam. Thank you for sharing, and for reminding us that things like pie collapses happen to the pros too. :-)

  3. says

    Mikey heard so much about Maggie already, and then got an earful more when I returned from BSP2. I know somewhere, he’s watching peacefully, knowing that I’m in good hands with the Anderson girls in my corner. Love you all so much.

  4. says

    What a beautiful letter. I have been amazed to see the love that’s filled the food community this past week. I made this pie yesterday and my husband flat-out raved about it, calling it “the best thing I’ve ever made”. Then I explained the reason behind its creation. He was floored – said “That’s so unlike the rest of the internet”. And it’s true. You don’t often find such love out in the cold internet, do you?

  5. says

    This brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful letter. I have so much love for the blogging community right now. I thinks its absolutely amazing how we all came together for Jennie and her girls.

    And the pie is totally addictive. It might be my favorite now too (of course, I’ll never be able to eat a slice without feeling a pinch of sadness)

  6. says

    What a beautiful letter. Jennifer and her girls are lucky to have you as a friend. This is a story that will be told over and over again. No matter how sad, there is so much beauty in it. We need stories and letters like these to remind us how precious life and our loved ones are. Thanks for sharing ! BTW, I met you and Jennie and the rest of the awesome group at the EWR11 in DC and have followed/admired you all tremendously!Thanks for inspiring us all.

  7. Ali says

    I will be making this pie for a group get together this weekend and will think of Jennie, her husband and those who I have lost to soon. Great post, such a tribute to a close knit blogging community!

  8. Smartcat says

    Beautiful thoughts and a beautiful pie. What a wonderful way to remember a loved one…..make and share. Being very to chocolate (no expressions of sympathy please) I am busily figuring out a version I can eat.

  9. says

    What a beautiful letter. I think Jennie’s pie is transcending even the blogging community–one of my girlfriends decided to make it for the family of a woman who just died after finding out about brain tumor three months ago. Peanut butter pie may become the symbolic gesture of love and friendship after such a loss.

    Will add your neighbor to the prayer list.

  10. susan says

    Beautiful letter, Pam. You make me cry. Loved the comparison of flopped pie frustration to real grief. Now off to make peanut butter pie for my friend who just lost her beloved dad.

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