After the holidays, when everyone packed up and went back home to Connecticut, I stayed behind. I needed focused time to finish my next book, so I exiled myself to our house here in Pennsylvania. It would be just me, the kitchen and my laptop. No more distractions. No land line here. No cable. No car, even.
David comes down every weekend, but other than that it’s just me and the Pennsylvania woods. After a month in solitary, I’ve learned a few things.
I know how to build and sustain a fire so hot the home furnace rarely kicks in. David’s always taken care of that, but when the fire-maker is gone you find out how to kindle one yourself. That or do without. And I love a fire too much to fail at it. It feels good.
And with record snowfalls here in the Northeast, I’ve had to dig out of some heavy messes. David’s not here. I’ve got to grab that shovel and let the drifts know there’s a woman living here who will not be snowed in.
I rely more on my body clock. Since there’s no one to share meals with, I simply eat when I get hungry. I eat lighter, but more frequently. I frequently stand when I eat (not happy about that). I don’t need an alarm either. I just tend to wake up when it’s time to get up.I listen to the radio and read more. This home is mostly a weekend getaway, so there’s no cable. You can’t turn on the TV just to fill the house with noise, voices, pointless drama. I stay in touch via computer, and I find I enjoy the radio (especially WHYY, Philadelphia). Best of all, I’m back to reading more and that feels good.
I don’t need a car. I had planned to rent one, but since I only really needed it for grocery shopping, I decided to see if I could do without. Since I’m in the final development phase of my new cookbook, this could have been disastrous. “Oops I’m out of chili powder, gotta run to the store.” Instead, it has forced me to plan ahead. I shop once a week when David comes. And I jog down to the yoga studio in town. There is life without wheels.
I stay in better touch with my family and friends. I savor texts, phone calls, and e-mails. There’s no replacement for being together, but somehow I feel more keenly connected. In the age of communication overload, less is sweeter.
I’m less afraid to live alone. I’ve always been fine with a solitary night here and there, but I’ve been a slightly anxious loner. Who could be out in those woods, looking in that dark window? It’s a woman thing. No more. I boldly move about in my home, on my land.
So I’ve learned a lot, just in time to go home. But a different “I” returns.
You are so cool, Mom. Just one more thing we can admire and respect about you! Although I know Dad will be happy to have you back after these 6 weeks. And Sharon and I will too. I’d love a lesson in fire-building, but you can keep doing the shoveling 😉
Thank you very much for this thoughtful and inspiring post. Helped me to reflect on independence, love and support, self-reliance, and growing. The New Year and Winter season are a quiet and powerful time for this.
I appreciate this post, as a confirmed extrovert. It is good to learn to be alone well. and, sometimes, painful.
I really enjoyed this post. I’m not much of a loner either. I like solitude but don’t like to spend the night alone in my house. Kudos to you for doing it.
In the past few weeks, I’ve enjoyed your Chocolate Cherry Oatmeal (USA Today); Multi-Grain Pancakes (Best Recipes for Losing Weight), Seafood Enchiladas (might not be right name, from your One Dish), and just tonight it was one of your Foil Packets – Pork Tenderloin BBQ! I have my mise en place ready for you “Greek” flatbread recipe. Love it all!!!!
Do we get a hint about your new cookbook?
It’s a meatless cookbook, Nancy. Meatless, but fun!
Pam,
I am in Solebury if you ever want any company or need a ride or would just like to grab a bite to eat with me.
Mary
As I’ve reflected on your post of solitude it’s made me think of my life in two fold. First, how I am in a point where solitude is an infrequent visitor. In the throws of a Bombeckian mother’s lifestyle it is a luxury afforded by a Boy Scout camping weekend. The second however makes me realize that I should not wish away the craziness of a mother’s schedule. There will be a time when I will again have solitude and will long for the noise.
I also liked your comment about jogging to yoga. I have a commuter bikes, oh yes, with baskets on the back, that I love to do my errands with. It’s makes me feel in such control of my life when I not only know where I”m going, but power my way there too!
We miss you Pam! Any good books to recommend? Trying to “up” my reading time as well.
Hey Shannon,
I’m back now! About books… I read There’s No Me Without You–a non-fiction about an Ethiopian woman who started an orphanage after her daughter died, and I’m currently reading The Invisible Bridge by Julie Orringer.
Next time you are alone at the PA home and reading, try Woodswoman, by Anne LaBastille. I read it over 25 years ago and have always remembered it as my favorite book; one that nurtures the soul, embraces being alone, and is exquisite in its’ portrayal of her relationship with nature. She lived in cabin in the NY Adirondacks. A most hearwarming book to read by the fire (that you started yourself!)
Love ThreeManyCooks for the stories, recipes, and the mother-daughters dynamic!